Coaching for a better life.

  • Lucie Cullen

Do this one thing to create a more confident you

You may believe that to create a more confident you requires lots of work and time - but it doesn’t. Being more confident need only require you to look at your self talk and talk to yourself more kindly. Here is a simple guide to help you get started.



But what is your self talk?

Your self talk is the internal dialogue that guides you in your decisions in life. You may have a positive self talk, an encouraging and confidence bolstering friend, or the opposite, a negative nagging parent type with destructive comments and criticism.


So where does it come from?

Well it’s fair to say it comes from you and it is yours. However where do any of our beliefs originate from? Our parents, family, teachers, carers and peers have all impacted our internal dialogue, either in a positive or negative way.


But how do you go about changing it when it’s limiting?

The first step is to stop and listen to the messages you are giving to yourself. Notice the tone and language you use. Saying things like ‘I can’t do that’ or ‘that’s great, but not for me’ can be an immediate response to a new or challenging request. Your self talk has an important job of keeping you safe in the world, assessing dangers and creating actions to deal with them. But talking to yourself negatively only serves to chip away at your self belief.


So you’ve become aware of your internal dialogue and any limitations it causes you. Next step is to question it’s truthfulness. Try asking yourself:

  • Is that true? Who told me?

  • Is that necessary?

  • Is that kind?

You will be surprised at how you have automatically responded to many situations without careful consideration, purely out of habit.


And finally, make changes.

Rewrite your script from negative to positive. Most importantly be kinder to yourself and learn to speak with encouragement and positivity as you would a friend. Make simple changes such as replacing can’t with could will open up all new possibilities and create a more confident you. Change your internal dialogue from sabotage to success.


Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash